Which people share these common traits?
They create a victimization story, one in which they have been singled out and victimized. Whether there exists a kernel of truth in the story’s premise is not a guarantee. The story’s ever-changing plot and characters obscure any bits or core of truth that could support parts of the narrative. Although the storyteller revisits and retells the story in fancier details, with greater embellishments, its core remains essentially the same…My enemy is ____, they unjustly abuse me and accuse me of ___, they lie about everything.
They do not apologize for the story or express remorse for the people their story insults or harms. Sticking by their words generates another story. Their words – accusations, claims, perspectives, ideas – are Truth, indisputable, conclusive, sanctified. Predictably, many who create these personal stories are among people who also believe in the infallibility of their religious leaders and scriptures. They will say, I am a truth teller; I am not a liar; everyone else lies about me.
Although they mask it when circumstances call for ‘normal’ behaviors, often adept at code and role switching, they become increasingly irrational, fanatical, obsessive, and avid about ‘protecting the story.’ Their irrationality, ego, and lies are difficult to convincingly repeat. Their circle of friends to which they often appeal is either non-existent or small and very much of the same narrow mindset.
Jealousy, insecurity, anxiety, misplaced anger, obsessive ideas about others, the inability to remain highly functional in family, work, and most social settings, dependent on the generosity and patience of others – they have an unusual capacity and capability to impress outsiders but, their victimization story is priceless. They will not sell it at any price, even though it means they cannot hold onto healthy relationships, life balance, jobs, goals, independence, or stability. They will say, I’m a truth teller; that is why people give up on me. I’ll preach the truth for as long as I have breath.
I just read the book by Shauna Singh Baldwin, What The Body Remembers. One of the most arresting parts of the story is how easily people with extremist political and religious beliefs are convinced to kill their neighbors. Even the women who in all four of India’s religious groups in 1947 experienced daily discrimination and subjugation because they had uteri and vaginas turned against each other as the British bestowed independence and India split into three nations. What fueled the civil unrest, mass killings, rape, torture, and starvation of millions was not the newly installed government or a ‘genetic predisposition to violence’; it was generations of absolutism in each of the religious groups and their individual sects.
Absolutism fuels fear, insecurity, jealousy, obsessions, disfunction, racism, misogyny, class distinctions and divides, and of course – victimization. Each socio-economic class, religion, race, ethnic background, nationality, and tribe had convinced its most zealous members and followers that ‘The Others’ wanted to exterminate them.
I think about this when I hear news out of Palestine, the West Bank, and Gaza -- of starvation and homelessness and genocide. I think about this when I witness as an American how the MAGA cultists behave, how their leaders behave. Pete Hegseth’s testimony before Congress last week concerning the Iran war was a shocking display of willful ignorance and absolutism. I think about this when I remember the crazy, irrational, cruel behavior of three women I once tried to befriend.
Have you ever been forced (by family, work, or proximity) to communicate and deal with an individual who falls into this description? I have. Even when I see the red flags in their behaviors, I tend to give the individual multiple mulligans. I believe that each of us has times when we seem ‘not ourselves’ and need some patient understanding so that we can ‘right ourselves.’
So, I behave gently, but assertively, sometimes falling into an angry outburst or frustrated tears. Then I finally draw a line when someone I love and dearly trust is harmed. Because an individual who believes in their personal Truth, the infallibility, pervasiveness, absoluteness of their Truth, is as brittle and combustible as a drought-stricken grassland or forest, primed to spark, fueled to rage out of control. I’ve experienced it.
Is it true that some individuals cannot ‘right themselves’ or be helped? Not really a truth but an acknowledgement that individuals need support systems and that absolutist thinking in politics and religious is dangerous.